Category Archives: Persistence

Have you Hit a “Redirecting” Wall?

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I was talking to my husband recently recounting the times when my life hit a wall and how God used that to redirect my steps. I’ve had many redirecting walls in my life. Several are particularly memorable:

Wall #1: I distinctly recall when my mother made the decision that it was better to be single and raise three girls under the age of 12 than to stay in an abusive marriage. We eventually moved into a nice house in an area that had seen better days. In fact, our street was at the end of a fairly steep hill; as I walked down to our house, it felt like I was entering another world. It was a little depressing. But, the move caused me to be introduced to the first teacher who made me feel like I could achieve anything with hard work and perseverance. Her name is Mrs. Mattie Stephens. She inspired in me a love of learning.

Wall #2: We then moved to a nicer area because my mom, wanting a better life for us, decided to marry someone who promised to “put a roof over our heads,” which he did. The only problem was that he was an alcoholic. Those years were extremely turbulent; we never knew what “my mother’s husband” (I refused to call him my step-father) would do on a daily basis. I found solace in the library. Through books, I could travel beyond my neighborhood and pursue any profession I chose simply because I could “see” it in the books I read. Those days, weeks, months and years curled up in the library and at home in books gave me a vision for a yet-to-be-revealed future.

Wall #3: I did not do well in math in high school because of a decision I made in response to an ignorant comment by my 10th grade math teacher. Instead of rising to his challenge, I shrunk, which resulted in my refusing to learn anything else from him. Consequently, my report card had “A’s” in every course, except math, where I consistently earned a “D.” My struggles in math caused me to work very closely with the Chair of the Math Department, Mrs. Lelia McBath, who forced me to complete all of the classes that I would require for college regardless of the grades I received. I hated it, but I trusted her, so I kept taking the classes. When I received my “flush” letter from the college that I did not get in, Mrs. McBath contacted them and said that they were making a mistake; she said that I was exactly the kind of student they needed. Because of her, they interviewed and admitted me. I have earned three degrees from that college because of her support.

Wall #4: I was admitted to college with the intent of becoming a surgeon. Here’s the problem: I struggled in every class that was required for medical school; they call it the BCPM – Biology, Chemistry, Physic and Math. In order to be admitted to medical school, your BCPM grade point average is calculated and reported. So, here I was in college trying to pursue the only dream that kept me moving forward through my own abusive relationship that carried over into my freshman year and a failing marriage in my sophomore year (let’s just say that I made a lot of bad decisions in a very short period of time). I felt like a boat adrift because I was not having success where I thought I would, and I didn’t have a “B” plan if it didn’t work out. Fortunately, I had to fulfill certain general requirements, one of those was in global studies. There were several courses that I could take to fulfill the requirement, but I chose anthropology. I walked into the class, met my professor Dr. Charles Callendar, and fell in love with the subject! I let my passion lead me to a Bachelors, Masters and Ph.D. in Anthropology.

Wall #5: I had been working for my college for almost two decades when the administration changed dramatically; I found myself having to constantly renegotiate expectations because I was assigned three different supervisors in 18 months. Things got so bad, that I became embarrassed to represent or be associated with the institution that I truly loved. I cried out to God and asked Him to deliver me from the bondage that I felt. The next thing I heard in prayer was, “Get ready to move.” I assumed God was going to take me out of that situation by moving me to another part of the university, but He moved me to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, where I learned a great deal about effective nonprofit management and planning through my former boss Terry Stewart and my colleagues.

Wall #6: Since 2014, I have recounted my experiences with developing a music museum and the ups and downs inherent in a process of taking something from vision to reality. I thought this wall was catastrophic, in that my faith was tried to the breaking point. I questioned God wondering if I heard him correctly or if I misunderstood. At every question, the response I heard in prayer was, no, I was not mistaken; this part of my journey was divinely ordained. I must admit, though, that divinely ordained or not, it hurt more than I can possibly explain in writing! And, since God knows my heart and thoughts and I promised to be honest with Him…I hope never to experience again! Being a little farther down this road now, I am learning that it was all a set-up for something greater!

God has had me look at all of the times when things that I thought were walls were really times when he got me to meet people and experience things that were important to my future. I saw them as obstacles, but God knew they were divinely orchestrated periods of preparation.

Are you hitting walls not knowing what a next step should be? Maybe they are not walls that are meant to stop you, but “redirecting” walls that God is using to guide you into and to prepare you for your next moment of destiny!

 

 

I’m in the Room

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I recently spoke to my cousin, who is pursuing her Doctorate in Pharmacology, about an experience I had a few years ago while participating in a leadership program in Cleveland, Ohio, my home town.

The exercise was part of the diversity module in the program. The instructor had all of the participants line up with our backs against a wall facing another wall. She indicated that she would make certain statements; if they applied to us, we were to step forward as many steps as she indicated for that particular statement. For example , if you graduated high school, you stepped forward once; if college, you took two steps forward. With the rules understood, we all began our march toward the opposite wall.

I was able to take about seven steps before my forward progress was halted because much of what she said did not apply to me. So, with each statement, the gap between me and others in the room widened. In fact, there were four of us closer to the original wall than we were to the opposite wall.

I have to admit that it was very humbling to realize the slow start in life I had compared to so many other people in the program. I literally had to shake off feeling “less than” or inferior to my colleagues. I thank God that in that moment of perceived humiliation, He quickly whispered to me, “But, you’re in the room!”

“I’m in the room! I’m in the room!, ” I yelled in my head. So, it didn’t matter that I didn’t have all of the opportunities that my colleagues had, I still made it to the same program at the same time they did! Wow, what an epiphany: God can place me wherever He wants, whenever He wants and I don’t have to have the same pedigree as everyone else in order to get there! All I have to do is show up and He’ll do the rest! Talk about reframing an experience! It was life changing!

The exercise really helped me understand that, when God has a plan for you, the “facts” don’t matter. What does matter is whether you’re willing to trust Him for the outcome by doing your part: in order to be selected for the leadership program, I had to complete the application and submit recommendations. I was not selected the first time I applied, and I vowed that I wouldn’t apply again. However, the next year, my boss insisted that I reapply. So, had I not followed through, I wouldn’t have been in the program to have that revelation.

This reminds me of one of my favorite “Successories” posters. The poster is of a basketball court. The ball is on the ground with a spotlight on it and the basketball rim with the caption, “You Will Miss 100% Of The Shots You Don’t Take!” I believe that The Lord requires that we take the shot with preparation (e.g., you should know what a ball and hoop are and the dynamics of shooting, etc.) while trusting that God will allow you to make the shot at the appropriate time and place to accomplish His will in your life.

Back to the “room” narrative…six months ago, my husband and I were sitting in a small stately room on the University of Cambridge campus in England to witness our youngest daughter’s graduation with a Masters of Philosphy degree in Latin American Studies. The event was very regal. There were approximately 400 people in the building and we were not allowed to speak or take pictures throughout the ceremony. We witnessed traditions that were centuries old, and all I could think of was how privileged I was: me, who was raised by a hard working mom in a low-income family; abused by a boyfriend, married and divorced in my early 20s, former suicide risk; who started my life over too many times to count, was sitting in England watching my child graduate from Cambridge! It hit me like a ton of bricks: God placed me “in the room” again!

So, in those moments when you compare yourself to your colleagues or others and feel like you don’t measure up for whatever reason, just remember that your credentials and experiences are only part of the equation; God owns the room and He chooses who occupies it!

Going “All In” to Get Your Wings

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For the past two years, I have been relating my experiences developing the Global Black Music Center. There have been major highs and major lows, and I always believed that it would become a reality. I must admit, though, that there were times that “tried my soul,” as there are in anyone’s life, especially those who are pursuing their passion. In those times, I would ask God to reveal Himself to me so that I would know that I was on the right path. Without fail, God would open another door and that kept me moving forward.

My rallying cry became, “Feel the fear and do it anyway! …drag it with you, if you must.” Too often, fear of failure prevents us from attempting great things because we worry about what will happen if it doesn’t work out. I am no exception! But, I knew that I was living a moment of destiny; a moment for which I had been preparing most of my life. How could I pass it up now?! So, like a poker player, I believed I had a good hand and could win, so I moved all of my chips into the center of the table and said, “I’m going ‘all in!'”

You should know that I had days when my fears got the best of me and I couldn’t think straight; I could only feel anxiety or despondency. Then I would remember that the larger the building, the deeper you have to dig the foundation, so I kept putting one foot in front of the other to pursue the vision God had given me.

In the process, I learned that trusting God is not as easy as it sounds; I actually had to “walk my talk,” meaning that I had to live what I had been telling others on a level that I had not experienced before. It was very difficult at times and I constantly told God, “I QUIT!”  But, as much as I wanted and tried to quit, I couldn’t; my passion for the project was too strong. In addition, doors kept opening when I was certain they wouldn’t, so I walked, often blindly, trusting that God would continue to lead and provide.

Then something amazing happened: the door that was wide open closed shut! Even though I am certain that God called me to this task, things didn’t turn out the way I thought they would or should. I was devastated! I was also left with more questions than answers, and my faith took a major hit. I told family and friends that I feel like I have no ground under me because God asked me to step off the cliff and trust Him, I did and the results were disappointing, to say the least.

The feeling of not having ground underneath me is a new experience and not one that I wanted, but definitely what I now feel I needed. Let me explain: during the Exodus in the Bible, the Children of Israel had to leave the familiar place of Egypt, even though they were slaves there, to travel to a new place unknown to them, but promised by God. The Bible recounts their journey and says that their clothes and shoes didn’t get old and God fed and protected them for 40 years. This was a time of preparation: to leave their old identity and mentality as slaves and to remember who God had created them to be — chosen and blessed — and to depend on God rather than their masters and themselves. Their “cliff jumping” took 40 years before God allowed them to enter the Promised Land. I am fully persuaded that this portion of my journey has been preparation for my promised land.

And, while I have longed for steady ground over the past two years, I realized recently that this is the wrong prayer; I should be asking to live joyfully whether I have ground under my feet or not. A dear friend also reminded me of something that God told me during the most difficult part of this journey — He had given me wings to soar above the ground! I finally became aware that I’ve been so intent on seeking new comfortable ground, I didn’t honor the fact that God has changed me through this particular wilderness experience…I mean, season of preparation. My wings, if I choose to use them, allow me to fly closer to God, see farther than I have in the past and travel farther than I could without them.

This reminds me of a video that God brought to my attention: Steve Harvey, the comedian, says that success requires jumping off the cliff, so to speak, in order for your parachute (wings) to open (see video below).

Even though things didn’t turn out as a I had hoped they would, I now have a set of wings that enable me to soar. I wonder, though, is the experience of going “all in,” or laying it all on the line and pursuing your God-given passion, a prerequisite for gaining your wings? If it is, be prepared for confronting all or most of the fears you have because they will keep you stuck on the edge of the cliff looking down and wondering, “What if I fail, what will people think?” “What if I fall, will God really catch me?” Great questions!  But, if you’re ready to soar, you, like me,  must make a decision to trust God more than your fears…to feel the fear and do it anyway. I did and because of that, I’ve earned my wings. I’m still learning how to use them, but I’m thankful that I have them. It’s just a matter of time before God shows me how to soar higher than I could have ever dreamed, of that, I’m certain!

You Have The Right “Equipment”

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I recently heard a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes in which he mentions a favorite poem of George Washington Carver. Bishop Jakes said that his mother brought the poem to his attention. I was intrigued, so I googled it. The poem is entitled “Equipment” by Edgar A. Guest. Some things need no explanation…

EQUIPMENT

Figure it out for yourself, my lad,
You’ve all that the greatest of men have had,
Two arms, two hands, two legs, two eyes
And a brain to use if you would be wise.
With this equipment they all began,
So start for the top and say, “I can.”

Look them over, the wise and great
They take their food from a common plate,
And similar knives and forks they use,
With similar laces they tie their shoes.
The world considers them brave and smart,
But you’ve all they had when they made their start.

You can triumph and come to skill,
You can be great if you only will.
You’re well equipped for what fight you choose,
You have legs and arms and a brain to use,
And the man who has risen great deeds to do
Began his life with no more than you.

You are the handicap you must face,
You are the one who must choose your place,
You must say where you want to go,
How much you will study the truth to know.
God has equipped you for life, but He
Lets you decide what you want to be.

Courage must come from the soul within,
The man must furnish the will to win.
So figure it out for yourself, my lad.
You were born with all that the great have had,
With your equipment they all began,
Get hold of yourself and say: “I can.”

–Edgar A. Guest

What Part Of The Elephant Are You Touching?

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I was reminded recently that life is really less about what happens to you and more about your perspective regarding it…

Over the past few months, I have been writing about my personal and professional journey, especially in developing the Global Black Music Center. I have at times been elated, despondent, excited, frustrated, perplexed, hopeful, overwhelmed and just plain tired — all in the same day!

It dawned on me, though, that my roller coaster of emotions was primarily due to how I defined the situation. This reminded me of a story about the importance of perspective entitled The Blind Men and The Elephant:

Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, “Hey, there is an elephant in the village today.”

They had no idea what an elephant is. They decided, “Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway.”

All of them went where the elephant was. Everyone of them touched the elephant.

“Hey, the elephant is a pillar,” said the first man who touched his leg.

“Oh, no! it is like a rope,” said the second man who touched the tail.

“Oh, no! it is like a thick branch of a tree,” said the third man who touched the trunk of the elephant.

“It is like a big hand fan” said the fourth man who touched the ear of the elephant.

“It is like a huge wall,” said the fifth man who touched the belly of the elephant.

“It is like a solid pipe,” Said the sixth man who touched the tusk of the elephant.

They began to argue about the elephant and everyone of them insisted that he was right. It looked like they were getting agitated.

A wise man was passing by and he saw this. He stopped and asked them, “What is the matter?”

They said, “We cannot agree to what the elephant is like.” Each one of them told what he thought the elephant was like.

The wise man calmly explained to them, “All of you are right.

The reason every one of you is telling it differently because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant.

So, actually the elephant has all those features what you all said.”

“Oh!” everyone said. There was no more fight. They felt happy that they were all right.

So, when I hit the proverbial mental wall recently, I was reminded that a change in thinking would not only be helpful, it was absolutely necessary!

I love the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. In it, the main character Santiago was in search of his “personal legend” — his reason for being, his purpose.  During the course of his search, he found himself in a strange country penniless as a result of being robbed shortly after his arrival. His first reaction was despair:

He wept because God was unfair, and because this was the way God repaid those who believe in their dreams.

I am going to become bitter and distrustful of people because one person betrayed me.

I am going to hold on to what little I have, because I’m too insignificant to conquer the world.

However, he quickly changed his perspective once he realized that he had a choice:

He realized that he had to choose between thinking of himself as the poor victim of a thief and as an adventurer in quest of his treasure.

“I am an adventurer, looking for treasure,” he said to himself…He had not a cent in his pocket, but he had faith.

He had decided, the night before, that he would be as much an adventurer as the ones he had admired in books.

Like Santiago, my first reaction to the obstacles that have presented themselves on my journey has been, “Why is this happening to me?”, “God, I thought you loved me more than this!” But, my new reaction is,” Am I viewing the project from a broad enough perspective or like the blind men, have I unwittingly chosen to focus my intellectual and emotional energies on the parts that I can touch rather than on the vision that God gave me for it?” I’m sorry to admit that I have often found myself concentrating on the former rather than the latter. But, when I approach it from this limited perspective, the road seems longer and with significantly more challenges.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far: I’m not certain how long this particular road is or how many other twists and turns it will have, but I am certain that I am walking in my purpose! So, the best thing that I can do is to ask God to open my blind eyes to see the entire elephant rather than just the part I can touch!

“Try Not! Do or Do Not. There is No Try”: Life According To Yoda

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During my 11 year journey to becoming Dr. Jacklyn Chisholm, my wonderful husband and a mentor of mine often reminded me, “If it was easy, everyone would have a Ph.D.” Those words fed my spirit and became my rallying cry. I didn’t realize until much later that the movie Star Wars, and in particular, the character Yoda, would provide me additional words to live by…

I recently had a conversation with my daughter who is applying to graduate school.  We were discussing the process and the essay that is required to complete the application. I told her that she just needs to “Do It,” like Nike recommends in their commercials.  After almost 20 minutes, I asked her to repeat to me what I suggested her next step should be.  She said, “You told me to try.” I said, “No. My advice to you was “Just Do It!”

I then described to her the moment in my doctoral process when I was stuck in “analysis paralysis” — the place where I couldn’t move forward because I felt that I was missing too much information. In actuality, I was SCARED because I didn’t know what the outcome of all of my hard work would be.

The issue was not that I didn’t know what to write about;  I had an outline and all of the data that I could gather, but I didn’t know how to organize it. Questions like, “What would the committee look for in the paper? How long should it be? What if I leave something out?”  had me tied in knots. You see, I had worked for over 10 years to get to this point of writing the dissertation, and now all of those hours and days without sleep, feelings of anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, joy and excitement hinged upon 100+ pages of a dissertation that I had to defend to a four-person faculty committee. Talk about pressure!!

In a previous blog and as I noted above, the words, “If it was easy, everyone would do it” were instrumental in getting me through graduate school. However, I still had to do the work and walk my path in order to earn the prize that awaited me at the end of the process. I have often likened it to running a gauntlet with people and obstacles standing in my way. I had to decide (there goes that word again) that I was in it for the long haul.

You will recall that I began the Ph.D. process knowing that God had brought me to it– I didn’t begin graduate school to earn a Ph.D. God only talked to me about applying for the Masters program. It was in my obedience and following through on His guidance that I was told that if I “high passed” the same comprehensive (or “comp”) exam that I was required to complete to earn the Masters, I would be automatically admitted to the Ph.D. program.

My response was, “Is this the kind of doctor you want me to be God!” See, I began undergrad expecting to become a physician, not a psychological anthropologist, but once I accepted God’s plan for me to pursue a Ph.D. rather than a M.D., God then revealed the next step in my process. Like Abraham (for the Bible scholars), God called him to leave his hometown without telling him where he was going until he packed up and left. In other words, it was when Abraham moved that God began to reveal the destination!

Once I agreed to go with God’s plan, my initial internal dialogue with God became, “I’ll try to do what you want me to, but I am afraid because I am outside of my comfort zone and I don’t know where you are leading me.”

I have one more example,  I mean, lesson to share on this subject…While I was walking down the aisle to marry my first husband, my thoughts were “I’ll try to make this marriage work. If it doesn’t, I’ll get a divorce.” Needless to say, it happened just as I thought it would because a try is not a commitment to a success, it’s a commitment to an attempt. Yoda understood this when he was coaching young Luke Skywalker, who had returned to the planet where he was to receive training to become a Jedi Knight…

Luke crash-landed his ship in water in his attempt to find the Jedi master to train him. He didn’t recognize Yoda initially as the one he was seeking.  Yoda instructed Luke to move the ship out of the water with “the Force.”

Luke responded: “All right, I’ll give it a try.”

Yoda says: ” No! Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.”
Luke then says, “I don’t, I don’t believe it.” and Yoda ends with, “That is why you fail.”

I don’t know what “tries” you are attempting. I hope not a lot because you could spin your wheels and make very little headway because you are not fully committed to your success.

So, please, for your future’s sake… take the advice of a pint-sized Jedi Master and a blissfully married woman with a Ph.D. — TRY NOT! DO… OR DO NOT. THERE IS NO TRY!

 

 

If It Was Easy, Everyone Would Do It

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Four questions:

1) What would you do if you were not afraid?

2) What would you do if money weren’t an issue?

3) What is your passion?

4) What are you willing to do or sacrifice to pursue it?

Each of these questions have my destiny wrapped within them…

When I was younger, I used to spend a great deal of my time thinking about how my life would be when I grew up. As I mentioned in other posts, there was a lot of dysfunction in my family – not unlike everyone else that I know! In order to cope with it, I would go to the library and check out books about far away places that I would visit as an adult or I would imagine the fantastic life that I would live.

My mother, more than anyone else, influenced my love of learning.  She also helped to fuel my desire to pursue my passion because she had always wanted to go to nursing school, but felt that she had to settle for a career as a surgical technician because of her family responsibilities in raising three girls as a single parent. As we became adults, my sisters and I would encourage her to pursue her dream, but she would always say, “I’m too old.” Unfortunately, my mother died at the age of 53 without having given herself permission to go to nursing school.

Her comments regarding the importance of education and the lesson I learned from her unwillingness to pursue her passion of becoming a nurse combined with my dream of a better life through education kept me focused even when things in my personal life took a turn for the worst.

I have met many people who want more than they have now — and I don’t mean more stuff —  they want to go to college, they want to secure a better or more satisfying job or they want to open a business, but what gets in their way often is their fear of what they will have to do or possibly lose  if they were to pursue whatever their passion or dream may be.  I really understand their concern because I have confronted these same issues throughout my life, especially in the past 20+ years.  Fortunately, asking myself each of the four questions at crucial times has been the key to my success so far.

Question one, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?,” is powerful! It gets to the heart of what prevents many people from pursuing their passion – FEAR.   Fear has a way of grabbing us by the throat and not allowing us to move forward, so we stay stuck in situations that either no longer feed our spirit or never have. Hopefully, you’ve heard that FEAR is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.   If we were to confront the fear, we’d often find that it’s a barking dog with no teeth!

I was in a place of fear early in my professional career, and one of my mentors said something so profound that it shook me out of my complacency. He said, “Feel the fear and do it anyway!”— drag it along as you pursue your dreams. That’s how I was able to overcome my fear of failure in college and in different professional roles.

The second question is equally impactful: “What would you do if money weren’t an issue?”  How many times have you said to yourself or has someone said to you “How are you going to pay for school? How are you going to pay for the training? How are you going to get there? How, how, how? This is what I’ve learned in my journey:  if I believe that I am in God’s will, then the money or whatever resources I need will be provided.  I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say it a little differently, “God always pays for what He orders.”  What a powerful reminder that God is my source, and as long as I am in His will, all of my provision for the journey will be made!

The third question, “What is your passion?,” is often ignored by people because to ask the question means that you want to know the answer. I’ve met many people who refuse to ask themselves the question because the answer would require sacrifices they are not willing or feel that they can’t make.

My passion for a long time was to earn a Bachelors degree. I’ve recounted some of the challenges that I faced in pursuing it, but what I glossed over were the numerous times when the degree seemed to get farther and farther away; I became exhausted and disillusioned because obstacles, big and small, were in my path – some I created and some were created by others.   What kept me going was God reminding me that, “Anything worth having is worth working for.”

Which leads to question four: “What are you willing to do or sacrifice to pursue your passion?”

When I told my husband that I felt that God was leading me to return to school and earn a Masters degree and Ph.D., my husband said, “If God wants you to do it, then I’m behind you!” (Sorry ladies, he doesn’t have a brother.)  Our girls were 1 and 4 when I started. They were 12 and 15 when I completed the Ph.D.

What kept me going for what seemed like a thousand years in school was something a mentor said to me during this time: “If it was easy, everyone would do it.”  What a blessing that statement was and is to me! This one statement separates those who accomplish their goals from those who talk about accomplishing theirs. Pursuing your passion or your dream will cost you something – it always does. But I want you to consider this:

If it takes you five (or more) years to pursue your passion or achieve your dream, do you plan to be here five years from now? If so, you can either be five years older having pursued your passion or five years older still thinking about achieving your dream. It’s your choice!

So, are you ready to join those of us who have adopted the mantra, “If it was easy, everyone would do it?”  I certainly hope you are!

Let me help you start this part of your journey today:  On your mark… get set… GO!