Tag Archives: attitude

Dreams Delayed Are Not Always Denied: God’s “No” may just have been a “Not Now.”

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I have been silent for awhile as I focused on getting through the pandemic, writing my book Leadership Lessons: Notes From and For the Journey, and completing my studies at the Harvard Business School to become an alumna. But, given my journey of the past two years, I thought it was time to share what I learned about dreams deferred.

Let me begin with my book…

Leadership Lessons had been an idea of mine for over 10 years with the encouragement of people I’ve known and others I met along my path. I’m so proud to say, “I did it!” I, of course, can’t take the credit — the book was birthed through me but written by God and published in 2023.

The process of writing the book was taxing because I had to contend with feelings of: 1) doubt — there are a million books, what’s one more going to matter?, 2) confusion — what should I write about and what should it be titled?, and the one I struggled with the most 3) insecurity — why would anyone want to hear what I have to say?

As with anything God-compelled, I had to write the book because the lessons were meant to be shared; while I have written about my experiences in my blogs, the book is the first time that I can tell my story fully, with the hope that it will inspire others. (Shameless plug: the book may be purchased at drjacklynachisholm.com.)

Harvard Business School…

As far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted to attend Harvard, but as I’ve recounted in my book, I found myself: first, as a victim of a high school teacher’s comments in the 10th grade that eroded my self-confidence, affected my grades in math through my senior year, and ended any hope I had of being accepted to Harvard as an undergraduate student, and secondly, at the same time in an abusive relationship that held my life and my dreams captive for several years until I was able to escape from it.

As a dedicated life-long learner, I believe in investing in my professional development and am privileged to have earned three degrees and several certificates from universities that I could only fantasize about as a young woman, and that recently culminated in my becoming a Harvard Business School alumni.

I shared the happy news on Facebook and LinkedIn and received some wonderful comments, especially to my statement that, “What God has reminded me over and over is that my dream of attending Harvard decades ago while deferred, was not denied! To God be the glory!”

So, to those who may have given up on a dream because you think God said “no,” maybe it wasn’t a solid no, it was just a “not now.” And maybe, like me, it’s your time to dream again!

A Picture Is More than the Paint You See: The Layering Of A Life

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After an almost two-year hiatus due to living through the COVID pandemic, I’m grateful to return to my blog. I hope my stories will continue to inspire!

Now, onto the new lesson…

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I admit to having a habit of scrolling through YouTube videos when I’m bored. I am especially fascinated by artists who paint.

One evening, I watched a young woman paint a portrait of herself underwater. I saw the finished picture as she demonstrated her technique. What captured my attention was her initial use of only the color red to outline her subject matter.

I watched as she began using other colors to build texture, definition and depth to the painting. I also marveled at and was inspired by her ability to bring her vision to light and by her process, as well as by how her picture was formed layer by layer.

This led me to think about how I, like many others, compartmentalize my life — I grew from child to adolescent to young adult to older adult — and viewed each as a stage I lived through then went on to the next. However, my goal is to not rush too quickly to the next stage; I try to savor the good of where I am and learn from the bad when possible, recognizing that past experiences may be preparation for my life’s future.

How would my life narrative change if instead of viewing it as a series of beginning and ending stages that I intentionally keep separate — like colors in an artist’s palette — I viewed them as layers in my life’s masterpiece? It’s a worthy goal to be sure.

So, for the artist in all of us…here’s to painting and living your life in layers!

When The Pain Or Despair Is Too Great To Live…Please Live Anyhow!

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NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE                           1-800-273-8255                 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

I woke up this morning to the news that another celebrity died of an apparent suicide. Tragic!

I’ve read that suicide is the most selfish thing anyone can do because they don’t take into account the devastation that it leaves behind for their family and friends and the unanswered questions of “How did we miss that?” or “What else could I have done to prevent it?”

If you have not been to a place in your life where all around you seems hopeless, that’s wonderful! But for those of us who have travelled this road in our minds, let me try to explain at least my journey to seriously contemplating suicide.

I’ve shared in the past a troubled upbringing with my parents: my father physically abused my mother for years. Home wasn’t always pleasant, especially when my father came home after several days of spending time with his girlfriend and her family or after having stayed out drinking with his friends. He would argue with my mother and then hit her. My sisters and I tried to stop him, but it seldom worked.

Thankfully, at about the time I turned 8 years old, my mom (and my sisters and I) had had enough; she filed for divorce! I know the decision to do so was very difficult because she was now responsible for 3 children under the age of 11 and knowing that she would get little, if any, help from my father. I admire her courage!

We struggled for a few years living on her paycheck, whatever child support my father decided to contribute and whenever he decided to pay it, and government food programs for which we were suddenly eligible.

I think my mom was looking for a real partner to help share her load. Unfortunately, she found help in the form of an alcoholic, who promised that he would buy her a house and support her children. My mom saw it as salvation, we lived it as a nightmare. They were married for almost 17 years until my mother’s untimely death from heart disease at the age of 53.

During those years, I recreated the most influential relationship I had experienced in my young life: I found two men to abuse me — one physically and one mentally— in successive relationships over a 13 year period.

I wrote about my failed marriage in my blog “Fish Don’t Know They’re In Water: So Why Should You?” (May 24, 2012):

I’ve written earlier about the abuse my mother endured and how I unwittingly recreated the same lifestyle when I was a teenager. What I didn’t mention is that I continued to try to recreate that same situation during my first marriage. Fortunately, my ex-husband asked me a profound question during an argument. He said, “Are you trying to make me hit you?” That was the first time that I became consciously aware of how my actions, unchecked, were leading me to the same abuse I had just escaped two years earlier! Thank God that my ex-husband was clear enough to know what I was unconsciously trying to do – swim in the same unhealthy, but familiar water!

The details I left out include:

  • Marrying my first husband to escape the home where my stepfather was constantly propositioning me, so I had to sleep with a chair under my doorknob because I didn’t trust the lock or him;
  • Having to leave college because I was no longer eligible to receive a financial aid package I could afford now or in the future due to the marriage, which devastated me because my hoped for future (through attending college) was the most stable thing in my life at that time;
  • Living in what quickly became a dysfunctional marriage rather than the supportive one I thought I was building;
  • Realizing that I lost a child at the same time I learned I was pregnant.  My mind processed this as another failure on my part — in addition to a failing marriage, I couldn’t even bring a child into the world!

I’ve often described to others how I felt during that time that led me to contemplate suicide: it’s like stuffing clothes in a drawer until the drawer is too full to close and everything falls out.

The loss of my child in combination with a terrible marriage and not attending college, pushed me to a mental breakdown. I couldn’t eat or sleep for two weeks; everywhere I looked I saw despair, loneliness and personal failure — the pain was too great to continue to live!

So, I decided to end my life by stepping in front of a bus. I assumed that people would think it was a terrible accident because I wasn’t paying attention, but God and I would know it wasn’t!

And here’s the thing: a bus was coming down the street and I was getting ready to step in front of it when my mother’s voice popped into my head and reminded me of her belief that she shared with me years before: God was not pleased with suicide — it was a ticket straight to hell and I couldn’t come back from hell! While I know others believe differently, that thought stopped me from stepping off the curb!

Instead, I walked to my dorm (I was separated from my husband and had returned to college) and told my roommate my plans for finding a way to kill myself so that God wouldn’t know it was suicide!

My roommate, God bless her, walked me to the counseling office, where I signed a contract to contact them if I felt suicidal and to attend daily counseling sessions.

Unpacking long packed drawers was painful…extremely painful… but absolutely necessary to healing. It was during this time that I committed to seeking counseling — regardless of anyone’s opinion about it — whenever I need it because I’m worth the investment!

My dear roommate and caring counselors changed my perspective from one of failure, despair, fear, and loneliness to one of hope for a brighter future. In fact, right before I would have stepped in front of the bus, I jokingly thought, “With my luck, as soon as I died, the day after, everything would get better!”

I can’t honestly say that the day after things got better, but with much soul searching, self- and other-truth telling and hard work, my life eventually moved forward toward reaching the goals I set for myself prior to my breakdown and the new goals I’ve set since.

With God’s grace, I eventually divorced and found my husband and soulmate Robert, who has been with me for 35 years; birthed and raised two phenomenal young women Robin and Jennifer (who I was absolutely certain I couldn’t have because of the miscarriage, but God knew otherwise); welcomed to our family to spoil and love to distraction my grandchildren Shanum and Yahya; and earned three college degrees including a Ph.D. (when I despaired of finishing just one degree) and a professional career that amazes me!

I now live everyday thankful for my ups and my downs, but mostly for my life because the despair and pain led me to get the help that I needed to “live anyhow!”

(I’ve included information above for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. If you or someone you know needs help, please call them or seek local mental health resources. I owe my life to people who helped me find my way out of darkness so that I can share my experiences through this blog with you!)

Is Your “Pot” Too Small For Your Dreams?

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I’ve been staring at my bamboo plant in my office because I know that I need to repot it; it’s too big for its current pot. It wasn’t always. It started as a small plant in a small pot, but I knew that it needed more room in order to continue to grow.

Several months ago, I went to the store and purchased a new pot and soil. I lovingly transferred the bamboo to the new pot and watered it weekly. After about 3 weeks, I noticed new shoots growing out of the soil — I didn’t expect those; I just assumed that my plant would continue to grow upward as it had been.

Now, my bamboo plant is tall and has so many new shoots, its leaves are wilting because its current environment is no longer conducive to its growth and health.

I’ve written before about the process of transformational growth (See “Personal Transformation Has a Cost: Are You Willing To Pay?,” May 6, 2012):

From the time we are born we are changing or transforming. We don’t often think about transformation in that way, we simply see it as part of a natural process. What made me think about this is the fact that I have had to transform in order to achieve the things that were important to me — e.g., good grades, college education, job, promotion, etc.– or to pursue more personal things like a happy marriage, peace of mind, a spiritual connection with God, passion and purpose.

Each pursuit required a change in my thinking and behavior, which ultimately changed who I was and how I identified me to myself and to others. I’ve come to understand my transformational process as similar to something that happens in nature… For example, when a snake matures (stay with me!), it must shed its outer skin in order to grow. It’s called molting. If it does not shed its skin, it dies — it smothers in its old skin. I believe we humans are often prone to the same thing because we choose not to change our “skin,” meaning our thinking in order to pursue something new and different, especially when we know that our old skin no longer fits us.

I realize that I didn’t go far enough in my explanation because I talked about the internal environment (i.e., thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, etc.) that must change in order to become a better you, but I neglected the external environment that is equally important to one’s growth.

This includes simple questions like, “With whom do I choose to spend time — do they help or hinder my progress toward my better self?” “What places do I choose to inhabit — do they energize me or do I feel drained when I’m there?” “What am I spending my free time doing — am I learning or doing anything that helps others or myself?” These are all important “pot” issues because they determine if your environment is nurturing or restricting your growth.

Like my bamboo plant, I wonder what new shoots are lying dormant within me because I’ve allowed my growth to be contingent upon the size of my current pot — my environment— rather than the size of my dreams, goals and aspirations. But, as many of us know, changing environments means that you have to leave the old one and venture out into a new often unknown environment, and that’s scary, especially when you don’t know what the new will bring.

Ultimately, your new growth will require an investment in a new pot/environment. This may take the form of going back to school for additional training, leaving an unfulfilling job, seeking counseling to change habitual self-defeating thought patterns, saying goodbye to relationships that constantly take more than they contribute, choosing to break “enabling” behavior patterns that keep you guilt ridden and tied to a past and people you no longer want in your life, and attending events that have your future in mind even though your present self-talk says you’re not worthy to participate.

I know that I have to invest in a new pot for my plant; it’s well past the time to do so if I want it to continue to grow.

So, how about you: have you made the decision to invest in a new “pot” for yourself? I certainly hope so because, like a potbound plant, your “roots” — dreams, goals and aspirations — may die because they have no outlet to spread beyond their current confines.

The Harlem Renaissance Poet Langston Hughes in his poem Harlem, said it this way:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Happy planting!

Dear Warrior: Courage For The Journey

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WARIOR (noun)

A person engaged or experienced in warfare; a person engaged in some struggle or conflict.

COURAGE (noun)

The ability to do something that frightens one; strength in the face of pain or grief.

I recently attended a conference sponsored by the Women of Color Foundation. Its focus was on women in the C-Suite. Throughout the conference, I kept hearing in my spirit the word “courage.”

I am privileged to have some phenomenal warriors in my life, who share their stories of brokenness and triumph with me. One friend called me yesterday because God had placed me on her heart and she said that she had to contact me.

As we talked, I kept wondering what the “God ordained” message would be that necessitated the call. I was reminded of it near the end of our conversation:

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear. (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

She related to me her 2.5 year odyssey to find and reclaim herself during the midst of a terrible divorce and dysfunctional work environment. We talked about the self-doubt one experiences when you find yourself in a professional and/or personal war someone else is waging against you that’s intended to impugn your character and destroy your reputation just because they think they have the right to do so.

What was telling in her description was the “tipping point” moment that catalyzed her transformation from victim to victor. Webster defines “tipping point” as, “the point at which a series of small changes or incidents becomes significant enough to cause a larger, more important change.” My friend defined hers as the moment she realized that her now ex-husband, who had hidden his assets that she later uncovered, had more to lose than she did. Prior to her discovery, her ex was publicly disparaging her and privately trying to take as much as he could even though his income was significantly higher.

She said that once the discovery was made, she was able to find the courage to stand and fight in a way that she felt she couldn’t before. We talked about the surge of energy she experienced as well as her newfound strength in God’s grace knowing that she had done nothing to cause the war other than to stand up for what she believed to be right.

We also talked about our biblical Job moments: the times when God pays you “double for your trouble.” In her case, God repaid her by providing her a series of “new” things: a better than expected divorce settlement, a job with unheard of benefits and a self-identity that is stronger and more confident for having experienced and won the war waged against her.

Her story served to remind me that my warrior experiences of having to demonstrate courage began with the questions: “Is what someone says about me who I am? Is it indicative of how I operate?” These are soul searching, transformative questions that require prayer and reflection in order to find the answers.

In my times of trial, God often reminds me of his message to Joshua, whom Moses mentored, upon Moses’ death:

There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Be strong and of a good courage…Only be thou strong and very courageous…Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.
‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1:5-9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Dear Warrior: every war fought, every trial endured and every wilderness walked carries with it the assurance that God will give you the courage for the journey because the experience is as much about your preparation for something bigger as it is about God receiving glory because you trusted him for the victory.

 

Lessons From A “Fire Walker”

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I have been recounting to friends the lessons I’ve learned and the person that I’ve become through “walking through the fire.”

As I’ve shared over the past five years on this blog, I’ve had a number of difficult experiences that have devastated me at different times in my life, but the more I thought about it, each experience gave me a mirror to myself and a lens to a future me that I could be if I chose to focus on the lessons learned instead of the hurt inflicted or what or who I lost along the way.

Fire walking is not for the faint of heart; it requires a deep belief that, eventually, “this too shall pass” if I keep putting one foot in front of the other and trusting God for the victory.  This is not always easy when you’re on the hot coals, but for me, it remains my spiritual compass.

I don’t personally know anyone who is a willing fire walker — situations just seem to pop up from time to time — but whenever life required that I put on my fire retardant foot wear, I was reminded of the truth of motivational speaker Zig Ziglar’s statement that, “It is your attitude, more than your aptitude, that will determine your altitude.”

We each have an opportunity to determine if our fire walking will make us better or make us bitter — our choice.

With each experience, I remind myself of God’s promise to me that:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. (Isaiah 43:2)

As I noted in a previous blog, steel, in order to be strengthened for use, must be heated or “tempered” (see “Refining on Purpose,” June 24, 2017). We’re no different —often my struggles led to an important victory in some part of my life that confirmed that, while I may have been singed, I was not consumed.

As a seasoned “fire walker,” my greatest lesson has been that I must consciously choose to look for the good in the walk, especially since whether or not I walk over the fire is often out of my control. I’ve also come to appreciate that my personal, and especially spiritual, growth, unfortunately, required the fire experience.

So, while I don’t enjoy the process, I am grateful for the lessons that help me inspire others that “walking it out” through the fire is worth it!

 

Thank You!…You Helped Me Become Who I Am Now

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I recently had a conversation with my sister Karen about an experience one of our maternal aunts had with a friend, who she found was sharing her confidences with someone else. My aunt reportedly called her friend and said two simple words, “thank you.” My sister recounted that she didn’t explain to the friend why she was thanking her, she simply shared those two words and hung up.

I asked my sister why our aunt didn’t go into detail or deride her friend about betraying her trust. She said that our aunt didn’t think the details of what happened mattered as much as the knowledge she gained because of the experience. I was stunned by that perspective because I never considered it before!

This started me thinking about the times in my life when people I considered friends betrayed me — using lies and/or actions as weapons of my destruction or shovels to dig a hole into which they planned me to fall  — and how I responded.

The bible teaches that we should, “bless those who curse you, and pray for those who despitefully use you” (Luke 6:28), but it says nothing about thanking them.

So, like my aunt, for those (former) “friends” who willingly betrayed my trust with destruction in mind, THANK YOU…because you have helped me become who I am now!

Think On These Things

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Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Phillipians 4:8)

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I’ve been thinking about. This is especially true in light of my new normal that I described in my last post.

I find myself going over the details from the past looking for new answers to old questions to ensure that, as a student, I don’t need to repeat the lesson because I’ve learned it well. However, this kind of thinking may cause me to get stuck like a Ferris Wheel viewing the same territory again and again. Unless I actively choose to think differently, I remain on the same track with little hope of viewing new vistas because I’m too busy reviewing the old ones.

This is not to say that reflection does not have a place in our lives— it most certainly does! How else will you know what you’ve learned if you don’t revisit your notes? No, what I’m talking about is the incessant thinking that comes with wanting things to have worked out differently or beating ourselves up with thoughts and outcomes that we can’t change because they are in the past.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve conditioned myself to always think about the next problem around the corner or “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” While this manner of thinking can prepare me for the next battle, it also prevents me from enjoying the battles already won or the battles I didn’t need to fight because we were in peacetime. As a result, I rarely allow myself to enjoy “where I am on my way to where I’m going” because I focus too much on the potential obstacles that may arise.

I believe this is why Phillians 4:8’s wisdom is powerful! The Apostle Paul says that we should focus our thoughts on things that are “true,” “honest,” “just,” “pure,” “lovely,” “of good report,” and that have “virtue,” or “praise.” I find that whenever I do this, I feel more hopeful, encouraged, strengthened and prepared.

I must admit though that like bad habits that require constant attention to break, my old ways of thinking often prevent me from regularly thinking in this new way, but I’m committed to this part of my spiritual journey because I know that new thoughts lead me to new revelations and new behaviors, which ultimately better reveal to me my God-given destiny, especially when I consciously focus my energy and attention and “think on these things.”

A New “Normal”

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I have been thinking lately about the outcome of going through trials and tribulations: Who am I when it’s over? What is my new normal?

Initially, I was going to title this, “Revisiting Dirty Water,” but decided that “A New Normal” is better because “revisiting” anything is always in hindsight, while establishing a new normal is in the present.

In my original post on normalcy, “Fish Don’t Know They’re in Water: So Why Should You?” (May 24, 2012), I defined “normal” as the combination of our “thoughts, feelings, behaviors and self- or other-imposed limitations”:

Consider how many times you’ve advised friends to stop doing something that you could see would have terrible consequences, but they did it over and over again. You wondered to yourself: “Why do they keep making the same mistake?” The answer is simple: the situation is their “normal.”

We all have our “normals” or our routines. They include thoughts, feelings, behaviors and self- or other-imposed limitations. These make our lives somewhat predictable.

I went on to say that our normal may change as a result of becoming consciously aware of it and the God-destiny wrapped within it:

It’s only when our “normal” is exposed through some change in our routine usually because of an unforeseen event like a health scare, death or some other challenge, do we begin to examine the life that we have built and to determine if we want to stay on that particular path. We sometimes call these “Aha” moments. I prefer to call them moments of God-inspired revelation.

I believe that God brings people to this place of revelation so that they can choose — to either embrace the new consciousness or ignore it. I’ve done both at different times in my life: I chose to embrace the revelation that I had to get out of an abusive relationship because I deserved a better life. I have ignored revelation whenever the thought of change was more frightening to me than the new life that was awaiting me.

Over the past 5 years, I’ve had a number or trials (and traumas) that shook my faith to the core. Questions of “Why me?” or “How long will it last?” played over and over in my head awaiting an answer from God. However, more often than not, the trial served to strengthen me in several areas and revealed to me my values and what I truly believed because trials have a way of revealing you to yourself if you let them.

What I’ve found is that a new normal is only reached through a recognition of what remains after the trial: family, friends and other things that really matter. It is from these that we build a refined narrative, or in some cases a completely new narrative, of who we are post trial, trauma or tribulation.

Like a fish on dry land, it flops around looking for the water that it just came out of because that’s all it has known. It doesn’t stop to think: is this the best water for me? It doesn’t consider, nor can it, that there may be better water to inhabit. Its singular goal is to get back to its familiar water as soon as possible!

Thank God that we’re not fish! We get to choose to pursue conscious living if we’re willing to examine, improve or possibly leave the water we’re swimming in!

Like the fish in my original blog, I’m still seeking my new normal, but with each passing day, the water that I consciously choose to swim in after my trial is much clearer than the dirty water I left behind!

“Death Becomes Her”*: The Price of Obedience

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I attended an event recently and was reacquainted with a phenomenal young woman, who is actively pursuing her purpose in God. I was recounting to her some of my experiences of the last two years, especially being called by God to a place that feels desolate. She said, “God will strip everything away in order for you to die so that He can be glorified in you.” I forgot that!

This is not a new situation to me; I’ve had these kinds of experiences over and over again. Like that time I really wanted to graduate in May and begged God to allow me to do so, and He said, “You have to love and honor me whether I let you graduate in May or not.” I told the Lord that I wanted His will to be done more than I wanted mine. I died to the outcome…I graduated in May.

Or the time I really dedicated my life to The Lord and all hell broke loose; everything that could go wrong did — job, marriage, children, etc. I said, “God, why is all this happening; why aren’t you protecting me?” And He said, “Keep your eyes on me, not the situation.” I died to having it my way…I came out with my marriage intact and stronger, children healthy and a better job.

Or when my department became embroiled in craziness at work because of someone’s ego issues. It was one of the worst times in my life! I was depressed, bitter and very upset with God for not sparing me. Then, God sent me to a professional development conference at Bryn Mawr College. By the time I returned to work, I was markedly different; I used to deflect compliments regarding my skills and talents believing that if I acknowledge them, I was being arrogant. God told me my gifts and talents were part of my “armamentarium,” my tools for battle, and that not acknowledging them prevented Him from using them optimally through me. I died to who I was…I went to the conference a victim, I returned to work a soldier in God’s army ready for battle.

And what about my recent experience of jumping off the cliff (see my last blog entitled “Going ‘All In’ to Get Your Wings”) and having a Noah moment, where God called me to do something that has not been done before. I knew that there was a high degree of risk of failure and looking foolish, but I also knew that I was called by God to do it. Everything I thought I was or was important to me has been put to the test. In fact, I saw a vision of myself as being broken into small pieces, placed in a furnace for melting — smaller pieces melt faster, God told me — and being poured into a new mold. I died to my old identity…I now have a new outlook and renewed energy for the future.

With each experience, I had to die to who I was, what I had and all that I desired in order to do God’s will and to receive what He has for me. Jesus put it this way:

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears  much fruit.  (John 12:24 NASB)

I mentioned in a previous blog The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. The main character, Ordinary, was given a big dream by God. At one point in his journey, God asked him to give the dream back, or in other words, to die to it:

Then the Dream Giver spoke again. “Come higher,” he said…Ordinary was overcome with happiness. His Big Dream was finally within reach.

“Ordinary,” said the Dream Giver.

“Yes,” said Ordinary.

“Give me your Dream.”

“What do you mean?” Ordinary asked. “It’s my Dream. You’re the one who gave it to me.”

“Yes. And now I’m asking you to give it back.”

Ordinary was shocked, but he didn’t even have to think. “I can’t,” he told the Dream Giver. “And I won’t.”

Ordinary paced back and forth along the rim of the summit, trying to understand what had just happened. Why would the Dream Giver want to take away his Big Dream? How could he even ask? Especially now, when Ordinary had come so far. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t even right.

Then Ordinary had an idea. Maybe there was a way out.

“Do I have to give it back?” he asked.

“No,” the Dream Giver said. “Some choose not to.”

So he had a choice. He could keep his Dream. But instead of relief at the thought, Ordinary felt confused and sad. What was he going to do?

He slumped down on the rock. He thought for a long while. Finally, he saw what was at stake. He could please the Dream Giver and surrender his Dream. Or he could go against the Dream Giver’s wishes and keep his Dream, but risk losing the Dream Giver’s pleasure.The choice broke his heart.

Time passed. Ordinary thought, and thought some more. The sun set and rose again.

The Dream Giver had always kept his promises. He had always been good to Ordinary, even when he was nowhere in sight and nothing seemed to make sense.

Then Ordinary knew what he had to do—no, what he wanted to do. He carried his knapsack to the edge of the rock and sat down. He took out his journal and his long white feather, and he wrote his last entry about his Big Dream.
“I am surrendering my Dream to you, Dream Giver. I’ve decided that it’s you that I can’t go on without.”

Later that day, Ordinary reached the river. No one waited for him there. He had no Dream or plan now. Yet he felt a deep peace. He waded into the river and swam across, pulling his knapsack behind him. At the far bank, he climbed out. And the first thing he saw was his journal, lying open on the grass. His heart racing, he picked it up and read:

“Ordinary, I am giving you back your Dream. Now you can use it to serve me. Now you can achieve truly Great Things. And I am with you always.”

…Now when Ordinary looked at his surrendered Dream, he saw that it had grown. Now his Dream was no longer only about Ordinary. Now it was part of the Dream Giver’s Big Dream for the whole world.

Ordinary had to die to the dream — through obedience–before he could move forward to pursue the dream God’s way. What a contradiction! So, in God’s plan, death, through obedience, is really the best way to live!

 

*Title taken from the movie “Death Becomes Her” released in 1992 by Universal Pictures.