Tag Archives: achieving goals

Is Your “Pot” Too Small For Your Dreams?

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I’ve been staring at my bamboo plant in my office because I know that I need to repot it; it’s too big for its current pot. It wasn’t always. It started as a small plant in a small pot, but I knew that it needed more room in order to continue to grow.

Several months ago, I went to the store and purchased a new pot and soil. I lovingly transferred the bamboo to the new pot and watered it weekly. After about 3 weeks, I noticed new shoots growing out of the soil — I didn’t expect those; I just assumed that my plant would continue to grow upward as it had been.

Now, my bamboo plant is tall and has so many new shoots, its leaves are wilting because its current environment is no longer conducive to its growth and health.

I’ve written before about the process of transformational growth (See “Personal Transformation Has a Cost: Are You Willing To Pay?,” May 6, 2012):

From the time we are born we are changing or transforming. We don’t often think about transformation in that way, we simply see it as part of a natural process. What made me think about this is the fact that I have had to transform in order to achieve the things that were important to me — e.g., good grades, college education, job, promotion, etc.– or to pursue more personal things like a happy marriage, peace of mind, a spiritual connection with God, passion and purpose.

Each pursuit required a change in my thinking and behavior, which ultimately changed who I was and how I identified me to myself and to others. I’ve come to understand my transformational process as similar to something that happens in nature… For example, when a snake matures (stay with me!), it must shed its outer skin in order to grow. It’s called molting. If it does not shed its skin, it dies — it smothers in its old skin. I believe we humans are often prone to the same thing because we choose not to change our “skin,” meaning our thinking in order to pursue something new and different, especially when we know that our old skin no longer fits us.

I realize that I didn’t go far enough in my explanation because I talked about the internal environment (i.e., thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, etc.) that must change in order to become a better you, but I neglected the external environment that is equally important to one’s growth.

This includes simple questions like, “With whom do I choose to spend time — do they help or hinder my progress toward my better self?” “What places do I choose to inhabit — do they energize me or do I feel drained when I’m there?” “What am I spending my free time doing — am I learning or doing anything that helps others or myself?” These are all important “pot” issues because they determine if your environment is nurturing or restricting your growth.

Like my bamboo plant, I wonder what new shoots are lying dormant within me because I’ve allowed my growth to be contingent upon the size of my current pot — my environment— rather than the size of my dreams, goals and aspirations. But, as many of us know, changing environments means that you have to leave the old one and venture out into a new often unknown environment, and that’s scary, especially when you don’t know what the new will bring.

Ultimately, your new growth will require an investment in a new pot/environment. This may take the form of going back to school for additional training, leaving an unfulfilling job, seeking counseling to change habitual self-defeating thought patterns, saying goodbye to relationships that constantly take more than they contribute, choosing to break “enabling” behavior patterns that keep you guilt ridden and tied to a past and people you no longer want in your life, and attending events that have your future in mind even though your present self-talk says you’re not worthy to participate.

I know that I have to invest in a new pot for my plant; it’s well past the time to do so if I want it to continue to grow.

So, how about you: have you made the decision to invest in a new “pot” for yourself? I certainly hope so because, like a potbound plant, your “roots” — dreams, goals and aspirations — may die because they have no outlet to spread beyond their current confines.

The Harlem Renaissance Poet Langston Hughes in his poem Harlem, said it this way:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Happy planting!

Thank You!…You Helped Me Become Who I Am Now

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I recently had a conversation with my sister Karen about an experience one of our maternal aunts had with a friend, who she found was sharing her confidences with someone else. My aunt reportedly called her friend and said two simple words, “thank you.” My sister recounted that she didn’t explain to the friend why she was thanking her, she simply shared those two words and hung up.

I asked my sister why our aunt didn’t go into detail or deride her friend about betraying her trust. She said that our aunt didn’t think the details of what happened mattered as much as the knowledge she gained because of the experience. I was stunned by that perspective because I never considered it before!

This started me thinking about the times in my life when people I considered friends betrayed me — using lies and/or actions as weapons of my destruction or shovels to dig a hole into which they planned me to fall  — and how I responded.

The bible teaches that we should, “bless those who curse you, and pray for those who despitefully use you” (Luke 6:28), but it says nothing about thanking them.

So, like my aunt, for those (former) “friends” who willingly betrayed my trust with destruction in mind, THANK YOU…because you have helped me become who I am now!

You Have The Right “Equipment”

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I recently heard a sermon by Bishop T.D. Jakes in which he mentions a favorite poem of George Washington Carver. Bishop Jakes said that his mother brought the poem to his attention. I was intrigued, so I googled it. The poem is entitled “Equipment” by Edgar A. Guest. Some things need no explanation…

EQUIPMENT

Figure it out for yourself, my lad,
You’ve all that the greatest of men have had,
Two arms, two hands, two legs, two eyes
And a brain to use if you would be wise.
With this equipment they all began,
So start for the top and say, “I can.”

Look them over, the wise and great
They take their food from a common plate,
And similar knives and forks they use,
With similar laces they tie their shoes.
The world considers them brave and smart,
But you’ve all they had when they made their start.

You can triumph and come to skill,
You can be great if you only will.
You’re well equipped for what fight you choose,
You have legs and arms and a brain to use,
And the man who has risen great deeds to do
Began his life with no more than you.

You are the handicap you must face,
You are the one who must choose your place,
You must say where you want to go,
How much you will study the truth to know.
God has equipped you for life, but He
Lets you decide what you want to be.

Courage must come from the soul within,
The man must furnish the will to win.
So figure it out for yourself, my lad.
You were born with all that the great have had,
With your equipment they all began,
Get hold of yourself and say: “I can.”

–Edgar A. Guest

An Introduction To…Myself

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I have written before about the journey that I am on as we prepare to create a museum. What has been resonating within me lately as a result of this process is the question, “Who am I?”

You see, I’ve defined myself throughout the course of my life through various titles including “daughter,” “sister,” “wife,” “mother,” “grandmother;” “student,” “secretary,” “department manager,” “admissions counselor,” “director,” “associate vice president,” “vice president,” “chief executive officer” and the list goes on.

But my overarching question is:  “What’s in a title?” I have found that titles are quick ways of identifying ourselves to others or for determining the category we believe they should be placed. They are also a means of making sense of who we are to ourselves.

I know that this is a deep, philosophical post, but think about it:

* How do you currently introduce yourself to someone? Do you first include your professional title or some other personal characteristic?

* What do you include in your running dialogue in your head about who you are?

Much of my school years from elementary through college were spent living up to someone’s beliefs about me. I’m fortunate in that many people thought that I had tremendous potential, so I worked hard to live up to that even when I wasn’t confident that I could. You see, I wanted so much to earn their faith that it compelled me to work to that end. I have joked with several friends that I deserve an academy award for portraying Jackie for so many years!

I am privileged to have made it to a time in my life where the “who I am” is about finding and being my authentic self – absent the titles. I get to discover and choose how I define me to myself and others! What a gift!

One of my favorite poems is by Marianne Williamson entitled Our Deepest Fear

   Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

   It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

  We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?”

   Actually, who are you not to be?

   You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

   There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

   We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

   It’s not just in some of use; it’s in everyone.

   And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

   As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

So, I have come to this place of self-enlightenment where my God-given light, as Ms. Williamson notes, may shine as bright as it was created to shine.

May you do the same!

 

Are You Noah?

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I recently had The Lord Jesus remind me about the story of Noah. To recap: Noah was given an assignment by God to build an ark because God was going to destroy the earth and only Noah’s wife, sons and their wives and the animals, insects and birds who lived on the ark would be saved. God gave Noah specific instructions about how long it would rain (40 days and nights) and He even told him when the rain would begin.

I thought it strange that The Lord would bring this to my attention, but it made sense when you consider that Noah was asked to do something that others thought ridiculous — to build an ark in anticipation of an event that had never happened in history, especially in an area not known for its significant rainfall!

Can you imagine Noah trying to explain to his neighbors that God told him that a flood was going to cover the earth and that he had to build this huge boat? Can you imagine the ridicule he must have received? The questions about his sanity? The stares? The giggles and laughter every time someone passed his dwelling?

I’m certain that he had moments where he questioned God: “God, are you sure you want me to do this? It doesn’t make sense to me, but if you say so, I trust you.” Or, “God, my family and I are taking the heat because of what you told me to do. Please don’t let them or me be embarrassed!” Or, “God, I heard you say to build the ark. I’ll do it, but, while I have faith, it would be helpful to have some idea about the “when” this will happen to make this waiting bearable.”

If you’re like me, I sometimes question God when the thing He’s instructed me to do is so big that I can’t imagine how “little old me” could ever accomplish it. For example, when The Lord told me to go back to school to get my Masters and then my Ph.D., I said “Did you see the grades I earned in undergrad? Lord, they’ll laugh at my application.” They didn’t and I went on to earn my Masters and Ph.D.

Or when The Lord told me to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum after having worked in higher education for 17 years. I said, “Lord, there is no way they will hire me, I have very little knowledge of Rock and Roll music.” They did and I had the privilege of working there for almost seven years.

Now, The Lord has called me to create the Global Black Music Center in Atlanta. My situation is similar to Noah’s in that it has never been done before and I’ve asked Him just about every question I could about the process. Some He’s graciously answered, others not. Either way, I’m committed to the task because as Noah found…God is faithful to what He calls you to do.

Now, the rest of Noah’s story…

I wonder how his neighbors felt when it began to rain and the water began to crest higher as they watched Noah’s boat — now filled with he and his family and all the creatures God told him to collect — drifting by? Noah must have been ecstatic when the first drops began — “Here it comes!” His faith in what God instructed Him to do was being realized!

So, here’s a question for you: Has God placed a big idea or dream in your heart and you haven’t moved on it because of how big it is, how small you think you are or what others, including your family and close friends, will say if you (so called) fail?  If so, let me invite you to read in the Bible Genesis, chapters 6-8 for Noah’s story and the book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, author of the Prayer of Jabez.

Finally, there was a television show in the late 1960s called Mission Impossible. The secret agents would be given an assignment on a pre-recorded tape. At the end of the tape, the speaker would say, “Your mission…should you decide to accept it…”  YOUR mission, should you decide to accept it, is to believe that God would never bring the idea to you if He didn’t know that you could do it with His help, of course! Bishop Jakes said it this way: “God always pays for what He orders.”  Your part is to trust that He has your back and will, like Noah, make it rain just like He said He would!

Enjoy the cruise!