Category Archives: Spiritual Growth

Purpose in the Wilderness

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I have been silent for several months because I have been traveling through the wilderness. For those acquainted with the Bible, this was the time during which God taught the children of Israel how to depend on Him after their 400-year slavery in Egypt.

The wilderness experience is usually a very lonely time; it’s often a time of preparation and depending upon God in a way that you have not before, and it prepares you spiritually for living at a different level IF you are willing to go through the process of change that is required.

In an earlier blog, I mentioned the book “The Dream Giver” by Bruce Wilkinson as being extremely helpful to me at various points in my journey. This is especially true now!

Wilkinson tells the story of a young man named Ordinary from the Land of Familiar. Ordinary has been visited by the Dream Giver, who has placed a dream in his heart. The book recounts Ordinary’s journey from the Land of Familiar to the Land of Promise and his transformation from being “Ordinary” to becoming a “Somebody.”

Chapter four entitled, “Ordinary Enters the Wasteland,” has become a touchstone for me during this time. I want to share with you the portion of the story that speaks to me:

More time passed. The longest hours and days Ordinary could ever remember passed. Desperately, he began to look for a way out…Every delay made him more determined to find a quicker route. But every attempt only led to another dead end. Again and again, Ordinary lost his way. Again and again, he cried out for the Dream Giver to show him the way. But no answer came. Why had he ever trusted the Dream Giver to guide him in the first place?

The day came when Ordinary finally gave up. He sat on his suitcase and refused to move until the Dream Giver showed up with a plan. But the Dream Giver didn’t show up that day or the next. Ordinary had never felt so lost and alone. He became angry. He got angrier and angrier.

…Ordinary stood to his feet. But as far as he could see, there was only sand. The path to His Dream had disappeared completely. Obviously, his entire trip through the WasteLand had been a Waste! Hot tears coursed down his dirty cheeks. “You’re not a Dream Giver,” he shouted, “You’re a Dream Taker! I trusted you. You promised to be with me and help me. And you didn’t!” Then Ordinary stumbled in despair across the sandy Waste, dragging his empty suitcase behind him. His Dream dead and now he wanted to die, too. When he came to a scraggly tree, he lay down in its scraggly patch of shade and closed his eyes. That night, he slept the sleep of a dreamless Dreamer.

The next morning, Ordinary heard something. Startled, he peered up to see a shimmering Somebody sitting in the branches of the tree. “Who are you?” he asked, as she climbed down to the ground.

“My name is Faith,” she said. “The Dream Giver sent me to help you.” “But it’s too late!” cried Ordinary. “My Dream is dead. When I needed the Dream Giver most, he was nowhere in sight.”

“What do you need that you haven’t received?” asked Faith. “Well, if it weren’t for the few springs of water I found,” answered Ordinary, “I’d be dead of thirst by now!”

“Yes? And?” she asked. “If it weren’t for the fruit I found, I’d be a walking skeleton!” he replied…”Oh, my!” Faith murmured. “And?” “Well,” huffed Ordinary, “a little guidance would have been nice. Ever since I came here, it’s been one delay after another. I’ve been wandering in circles since I don’t know when. What a waste!”

“I see,” said Faith, nodding. “So, what will you do now?” “Just tell me how to get back to Familiar,” he said. “I’m sorry,” she said. “But, I can’t help you with that.” “That figures,” said Ordinary. “The Dream Giver sends me a helper who can’t help!” “You might be right,” said Faith. “But that’s for you to decide.” Then Faith walked away in a direction Ordinary felt sure was wrong.

It wasn’t long before Ordinary began to have second thoughts. What if he was wrong?…He began to miss her. He realized that while they were talking, he had felt hope for the first time in a very long time. Ordinary jumped to his feet and scanned the horizon…Ordinary had an idea. He climbed the scraggly tree to the top. From there, he could see Faith in the distance. As quickly as he could, he climbed down and set off in the same direction.

Later that same day, Ordinary was eating some fruit beside a trickle of water, when he saw his journey through the WasteLand in a whole new way.

      Food enough for the day

     Water, when he needed to drink

     A path to follow that led to Faith

How could he have been so blind? Even when the Dream Giver had been nowhere in sight, he had always been near.

Great story, right! (The rest of the book is equally good!)

Here’s what I’m learning in my wasteland/wilderness:

  1. God is absolutely in control! As a recovering type A personality, I have had to take my hands off of this big project and surrender it to God on a daily basis. It is one of the most difficult things I have ever done! (Pray for me!)
  2. Recognize that since it is His project, He will provide the resources. I’ve preached this to others in the past and am now hearing my words come back to me.
  3. There are no shortcuts — it requires that I “walk it out” for however long it takes.
  4. Look at God instead of the circumstances. Early in the process, my mood would swing from excitement to stark terror until God reminded me that He called me to this project and that He is doing the work through me.
  5. God works everything together for good…and everything means everything! (Romans 8:28)
  6. Be grateful for what God has already done for me while I am in the wilderness. Recalling God’s many blessings helps to strengthen me on my journey.
  7. God must get the glory! — it is never about me. It’s always about what God wants to accomplish in and through me.

The bottom line is that I’m learning what Ordinary learned: when God gives you a dream, faith in God is key!

Onward to the Land of Promise!

Are You Noah?

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I recently had The Lord Jesus remind me about the story of Noah. To recap: Noah was given an assignment by God to build an ark because God was going to destroy the earth and only Noah’s wife, sons and their wives and the animals, insects and birds who lived on the ark would be saved. God gave Noah specific instructions about how long it would rain (40 days and nights) and He even told him when the rain would begin.

I thought it strange that The Lord would bring this to my attention, but it made sense when you consider that Noah was asked to do something that others thought ridiculous — to build an ark in anticipation of an event that had never happened in history, especially in an area not known for its significant rainfall!

Can you imagine Noah trying to explain to his neighbors that God told him that a flood was going to cover the earth and that he had to build this huge boat? Can you imagine the ridicule he must have received? The questions about his sanity? The stares? The giggles and laughter every time someone passed his dwelling?

I’m certain that he had moments where he questioned God: “God, are you sure you want me to do this? It doesn’t make sense to me, but if you say so, I trust you.” Or, “God, my family and I are taking the heat because of what you told me to do. Please don’t let them or me be embarrassed!” Or, “God, I heard you say to build the ark. I’ll do it, but, while I have faith, it would be helpful to have some idea about the “when” this will happen to make this waiting bearable.”

If you’re like me, I sometimes question God when the thing He’s instructed me to do is so big that I can’t imagine how “little old me” could ever accomplish it. For example, when The Lord told me to go back to school to get my Masters and then my Ph.D., I said “Did you see the grades I earned in undergrad? Lord, they’ll laugh at my application.” They didn’t and I went on to earn my Masters and Ph.D.

Or when The Lord told me to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum after having worked in higher education for 17 years. I said, “Lord, there is no way they will hire me, I have very little knowledge of Rock and Roll music.” They did and I had the privilege of working there for almost seven years.

Now, The Lord has called me to create the Global Black Music Center in Atlanta. My situation is similar to Noah’s in that it has never been done before and I’ve asked Him just about every question I could about the process. Some He’s graciously answered, others not. Either way, I’m committed to the task because as Noah found…God is faithful to what He calls you to do.

Now, the rest of Noah’s story…

I wonder how his neighbors felt when it began to rain and the water began to crest higher as they watched Noah’s boat — now filled with he and his family and all the creatures God told him to collect — drifting by? Noah must have been ecstatic when the first drops began — “Here it comes!” His faith in what God instructed Him to do was being realized!

So, here’s a question for you: Has God placed a big idea or dream in your heart and you haven’t moved on it because of how big it is, how small you think you are or what others, including your family and close friends, will say if you (so called) fail?  If so, let me invite you to read in the Bible Genesis, chapters 6-8 for Noah’s story and the book The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, author of the Prayer of Jabez.

Finally, there was a television show in the late 1960s called Mission Impossible. The secret agents would be given an assignment on a pre-recorded tape. At the end of the tape, the speaker would say, “Your mission…should you decide to accept it…”  YOUR mission, should you decide to accept it, is to believe that God would never bring the idea to you if He didn’t know that you could do it with His help, of course! Bishop Jakes said it this way: “God always pays for what He orders.”  Your part is to trust that He has your back and will, like Noah, make it rain just like He said He would!

Enjoy the cruise!

 

Transitional Me: Who Am I?

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Who am I in transition? How do I identity me to myself and others?

I have written before about my graduate school experience, but I didn’t mention the  question that I researched: “How does a person transition from one role to another?”  The question came up because I had learned to predict which of the freshmen I advised would probably graduate from my college and which would not.

What I found was that it had little to do with their academic preparation and everything to do with forming a new identity in their new setting. This started me thinking about all of the transitions we make when we move from one role to another (e.g., new job, city, social group, etc.)

In fact, I identified three phases in the process:

The first involved giving up the identify I had before. For example, when I left the college where I had worked for 17 years as Associate Vice President, I had to give up that role in order to assume the role of Vice President at a museum.

I call the second phase “Fake It Till You Make It” because I no longer held the old role and was not quite knowledgeable of the new role yet. In fact, for the first two years I role played the part of V.P.

The third phase was completed when I fully integrated the role into my identity, meaning I no longer had to think about what I  “should” do in the role – it had become second nature to me. And more importantly, I began to describe myself in terms of that role.

I also identified a “self” question for each phase:

Phase One: (Leave Old Role) Who have I been?

Phase Two: (Role Play) Who am I here?

Phase Three: (Become New Role) Who am I now?

This process is especially meaningful for me as I make another transition from Vice President to Chief Executive Officer of a museum and cultural center in Atlanta.

Although I am still assessing myself in this transition, I realize that my desires are to grow closer to God  and who He intends me to be and to know what I am purposed to do because of my experiences and lessons learned along the way.

So, who am “I” in transition? My response is that I am…

Who are YOU?

Pay No Attention To That (Wo)Man Behind The Curtain: Are You Ready to Leave Oz?

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“Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain” is a line from the movie The Wizard of Oz.  Who but God knew that years later it would be a framework for finding my purpose! Here’s how…

As a girl, it was important to me to have friends.  Unfortunately, I believed that I had to change myself in order to have a lot of them.

As I matured, I realized that it wasn’t necessary to “win” friends by changing who I was. The best thing that I could do for myself and them was to be Jackie – warts and all. This was scary because, as I recounted in previous blogs, I had a lot going on in my life at different times that I didn’t want people to know about.

I had also over the course of several years diligently crafted a personal identity as a confident, intelligent, ambitious and successful Black woman. What has been eye-opening to me is my recent spiritual revelation that this identify was primarily created in response to the fears of failure and poverty that I developed early in life as a result of the significant life changes I experienced.

It is amazing what fear can do — it can either compel you to achieve or cause you to sabotage yourself.  Any type of fear usually benchmarks where you’ve been — what or who you will lose, what others think of you, what you don’t want to experience again — not where you are going.

For years, I thought that life was about climbing ever higher up the professional ladder. Until suddenly, the climb didn’t seem to mean as much. That day, I came to grips with the reality that fear can’t be my reason to succeed.  God has created me to be more than the title at my job, the people that I know and who know me, and other labels that I or anyone else have placed on me. I now know that I was born to encourage and motivate people to pursue their dreams! What a privilege!

Even though fear was my fuel, I can no longer use it to propel me, especially if I want the future that God has designed for me. This next chapter of my life has to be intentional — it must be based on moving forward toward an exciting, yet unknown future rather than running from an already lived past.

It has only been in the last few years that I have come to grips with leaving Oz and the woman behind the curtain.  I am finally ready, able, and more importantly, willing to step from behind the curtain to live the life that I am destined to live.

Are you now ready to leave Oz? I sincerely hope you are because your life can be so much more significant when you give yourself permission to come from behind your curtain!

 

 

A Decision: The Beginning of Change

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I had an interesting dinner with my husband: A close friend began sharing his experiences; many of which paralleled my own — fear, rejection, feelings of worthlessness. But as he recounted his story, I realized that what happened to me required a decision by me about how it would affect me. For example, some people view adversity as an opportunity to learn a new coping skill; while others view it as another nail in their life’s coffin. I have to admit that I don’t quite understand sometimes the “why” of my circumstances: why people hurt me, why people talk about me, why people mistreat or discriminate against me, why, why why? I’ve stopped asking God the “why” question a few years ago. What I’ve learned to say instead is, “please let me learn the lesson so that I can fulfill my purpose.”

Much of what we confront in life comes down to a simple thing: a decision. A decision about how you will react to whatever comes your way and how much power it will have over your life. For years, I’ve blamed people for decisions that I made because of the hurt that was inflicted upon me by them. It was easier to view my life as being out of my control in certain areas than to admit that I actually could change the circumstances or the outcomes by changing how I viewed and reacted to the situation. You will find that my best lessons were learned through my personal stories. So, here’s one…

I mentioned in my first blog that I was physically abused by my boyfriend. I was 14 years old at the time, and he was significantly older. He was 20. Now, I should have questioned why a 20 year old would be interested in a high school student. I didn’t; I was too excited by the possibility of dating “an older man.” The first year was fine: he drove me to school in his new car. He bought me clothes and gave me money to pay for lunch and whatever I needed. Life was good, so I thought. What I didn’t know was that slowly, I was being pulled away from my friends and family. He required that I spend all of my hours outside of school with him. I thought at the time that I was special, but I learned later that this was how abusers isolate their victims.

The abuse lasted for almost 4 years. I initially tried to fight back, but his “If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t care” responses made me feel guilty for doubting his “love for me.” Crazy, right?!

I’m sure people wonder how a person could place themselves or stay in abusive relationships: I grew up around violence, which usually coincided with alcohol consumption. It was in my neighborhood. In fact, my mother was the victim of domestic violence. Unfortunately, what I didn’t know at the time was that I had unconsciously believed that this was “normal” in terms of living. As a result, I unconsciously recreated this in my first real relationship. It wasn’t until I was in counseling that I unearthed this false belief. I was amazed at what I had adopted as my “standard” for how my life was to be lived! Without an awareness of those thoughts or being able to challenge their validity, my life tracked what I unconsciously believed. I used to say that “ignorance is bliss,” but in this regard, ignorance almost killed me. Back to the story…

It was my senior year in high school, and my boyfriend had been telling me to wait one year before going to college. But, I knew if I waited, I would never go — he’d have me trapped. I also knew that I had spent most of my young life wanting more than I had: I dreamed of places that I could travel in books. I created a life in my head of how it would all turn out once I made it out of my neighborhood to college. For me, education, and particularly, college, was the beginning of every dream that I had. It was imperative that I go! When his words didn’t convince me to wait a year, he tried to use his hands and feet instead. It didn’t matter – I was going to college!

I remember the day that I decided that I would rather die than to continue to live like that: I was a freshman in college (I knew he was angry about my going, but I didn’t care!) and I found out that an administrator that I confided in had been telling other students about what was happening to me. I was mortified! But, it was the catalyst that I needed to get out of the situation. The secret of my abuse was out, and I was more upset that people knew than I was with the abuse. Crazy, right?!

It was scary, but I finally realized that my complicity in being a silent victim held my dreams hostage, and that my life without my dreams was unacceptable. So, as Shakespeare said, “I screwed my courage to the sticking post” and announced that I was done — I would rather be dead than to stay with him. As you can imagine, we had a fight. However, this time, I had DECIDED that I would not look back – life was ahead of me. There was a distinct possibility that he could have killed me – he threatened that he would — but a made up mind is powerful!

It wasn’t easy – nothing ever worthwhile is — but I was learning that, even though I didn’t always feel deserving, my dream was too big within me not to be worth the effort to come out of the hole that I helped someone dig for me.

This is what I’ve learned: a decision propels you to some future because all decisions have consequences. Every time I told myself and others that “so and so” made me do or not do something, I gave “so and so” control over that portion of my life.

I have finally discovered that what I have been hearing for years is true: we really do have control over our lives once we realize that we have total control over the decisions that we make. I’ve often counseled our girls that “If you want to keep getting what you’re getting, keep doing what you’re doing. If you don’t like the result, change your behavior.” Behavior stems from thoughts. Change your thoughts — make new and better decisions — and you can change your life! I did!